Entries from March 2014

it started with an innocent text..

March 18, 2014

 

so last week the goddess {aka raquel perry, the fitness stalker, my girl crush,} sent me a text:

text

i mean i was raised not to be rude.

and since when am i to turn down a homemade, crispy-riced, i need two napkins please, confection?

especially when they were hand-delivered, hot-pants clad, mid my nut-house, DMX-themed spin party, last saturday morning.

that’s real, i’ll-hold-your-hair-when-you-puke, friendship.

{luckily raquel has super short hair though.}

famished from my hip-hop-palooza on a bike, there was no ladylike postponement, waiting until i got home before i face dived into my gifted, baggie of sweet, crunchy goodness; with crispies in my lashes and pretzel crumbs in my belly button, i bare teethed texted raquel, demanding the recipe….

textthe thing is….i have been known to “demand” recipes in the past….

remember beautiful dena?

i was hell-bent on getting her chicken soup recipe too; stalked her new jersey ass, threatened to kidnap a twin or two of hers, and held up traffic on a bridge for a day until she gave it up.

she did.

but then i read how complicated it was {it really wasn’t but i’m an imbecile,} and the liklihood of me making chicken soup NOT from a can is faint.

but i promise to share her recipe soon with y’all.

cooking (1 of 1)

but these krispy things…{is krispy with a “k” or a “c”?,} really did read easy {you saw the text.}

ricepuffs (1 of 1)

there are the rice puffs….

brown rice puffs, unsweetened.

3 cups.

pretzel (1 of 1)

 spelt pretzels….

1 cup {chopped}

now i have NO idea why they have to be spelt; raquel specified spelt. i don’t know what spelt is; if you ask me “spelt” sounds like a species of fish. but if raquel tells me to eat used baby wipes, you bet i’m going to chow down on a cost-co sized box of those pre-moistened, not-so powder fresh anymore, towelettes…have you seen this woman?

cornsyrup (1 of 1)

1/2 cup brown rice syrup….

this makes it sweet.

{yes, i may or may have not added more than she said….i did.}

taste (1 of 1)

1/2 cup peanut butter…..

“save the rest of the jar for later date emotional eating binge”….i do—-{these are my notes, not raquel’s}

mess (1 of 1)

1/2 tsp of vanilla….

2 cups for the floor and the counter.

texter (1 of 1)

and this is why i hate to cook: directions like “a pinch of salt.”

what the f*^! does that mean?!!?!?

“a pinch” is a very partial amount….especially when it comes to salt….a pinch of salt to me, someone who thinks there’s too much salt in the salt-free food i buy, is one, micro, unseen speck of that tangy, white poison….yet if you were to ask me what a “a pinch” of sugar looks like, i’d need a forklift to show you.

give me metrics people!

finished (1 of 1)

nevertheless they turned out delicious…albeit looking a bit yellow and dijon mustard-ish…

hunkiest liked them, so that’s all that mattered.

maggots (1 of 1)

 is it just me or does anyone else think of the maggot scene from poltergeist when you look at this plate?

i told raquel that was my only gripe; from far away i thought i’d made worm casserole.

photo (2)

apparently i bought the wrong kind of cereal; her fancier, euro-erewhon are less larva-looking.

priscilla also gave her seal of approval. she loves when i cook; especially with peanut butter, she knows she’ll get the spoon.

but really, if you’re looking for a delicious, healthier alternative to rice crispy treats, and you’re not allergic to peanuts you should try this super-easy recipe.

happy cooking m’loves.

it’s friday i’m in love…

March 14, 2014

friday

friday whiskers on kittens to you m’loves!

spring is almost here and my elation can’t be contained; there has been a projectile vomit of lily plant over the entire house.

my favorite time of year triggers a merry-go-round in my heart and makes the 80’s sitcom in me want to come out and play.

last night i was convinced to stay out passed 7pm, on a school night, with the girls.

i was even persuaded to sip a “white wine blend”…..hey as long as it semi-tastes like a bartles & james wine cooler, i’m your cheap date girl.

i think the last time i was out this late, i had a test on passé composé vs imperfect in madame jester’s french class the next morning… Il semblait trop parfait….

french class///spin class…tomAYto///tomAHto

although i’m angry-tired this morning {double fisting mugs of coffee grounds—not even bothering to brewing it–just straight, dry grounds down my throat,} hanging with the girls, laughing until we cry, or in some cases wetting our pants, is good for the soul.

it’s something i love.

here are a few of the other things i’m loving this week:

382503_10101255375304828_475187196_n

this girl ↑, right up there, her name is amber rees, and i LOVE her.

do you guys read rate your burn?

it’s pretty hilarious; i have a love/hate relationship with this site.

it’s the yelp for fitness clubs, classes, instructors, and studios.

yesterday i read this post describing amber’s super, rock-star performance, teaching her most recent spin class at cyc fitness in nyc.

not 25 minutes into class, ms. rees got off her bike to ramp up the energy amongst her students. mid stage, she slipped and fell, fracturing a rib and collapsing a LUNG. yet she popped right back up, finished the class with continued said vitality, STAYED after, leading the cool down and post-class chat. about, what? i don’t know…the “true detetective” finale? and THEN cabbed it to the emergency room.

this girl is my hero…like mariah carey level…

seriously, if my mic goes out, i call my therapist, mid class, in tears.

amber i’m crushing, lupita-style, on you, let’s have a girls night.

divergent

i know more about quantum physics than i do about the divergent movie {and or book,} and i HAD to double-check the spelling of “quantum” just now, but the soundtrack from the upcoming movie is nuts!

i’m loving every song…

although a few tracks i already own {my poor spin class is SO sick of run, boy run,} new snow patrol, skrillex, + ellie goulding were worth the entire purchase…have a listen.

ballonsso there you have it…i showed you mine….no you show me yours…what’s currently making your eyes bright and aglow with whoopee?

this weekend i’m stockpiling my cat naps and moments of quiet with nothing to do.

a new spring schedule begins for me on monday carving out the leisure lady time i’d become so akin to.

hopefully i’ll be able to see some of you in some of my new classes….

may your weekend be full of smiles that last for days…

see you on the other side of sunday m’loves….

ladies who lunch….

March 11, 2014

CH_website_28-fashion-show_new

happy tuesday dahlings.

pardon the jet set accent, but yesterday i got my fancy on, and played posh amongst the oc gentry for a monday afternoon filled with champagne cocktails, bally bags, and runway fashion.

 the orange county chapter of child help, the leading non-profit organization dedicated to helping victims of child abuse and neglect, had their 28th annual fashion show here in newport beach.

 my always splendid, super fashionable friend, the famous, mrs. burns, invited me to be her “plus one.” i couldn’t say “yes” fast enough.

it was an affair replete with charity, jimmy choo, and cheesecake.

blow

first stop: blow out bar.

your ticket getting into these charity events isn’t your name on the list or voucher, it’s whether you pass the sniff test of fresh tressed moroccan oil. hair must also dispatch to the proper volume and height only achieved from a professional blow dry.

already at 8am the swivel chairs were elbow to elbow full of fellow attendees, swapping stories of what they were going to wear and who was going.

urban

after the teasing, spraying, and edification of my sweaty, spin class hair, i moved on to spackle and prefabrication….my face.

i lay at the mercy of my urban decay altar where i cast various spells and black magic witchery in efforts to make under eye circles, spots and wrinkles vanish like boyfriend’s past.

no such luck, but i did manage NOT to look like too much of a hooker.

{you’re welcome mom.}

dress

the shoes were a success!

they matched and went perfect with my dress in hubba-bubba bubble gum pink {mrs. burns forbid me from wearing my favorite, go-to black.}

heel

i wasn’t two steps down our front path when i heard a crunch….only to discover these shoes had been another girl’s favorite too.

PRISCILLA!!!!!!!
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one shoe change later, a non-repentant dog condemned to her crate, and a dash down pch, i arrived at the luncheon, raffle tickets in hand, ready to win something grand…i was hoping something along the lines of a facelift or eye job—-judging from the taut necks and jawlines of most attendees, it looked like they were last year’s party favors. so of course i stuffed the ballot.

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 the fashion show did not disappoint.

sponsored by south coast plaza we were fed a fanfare of super-fun spring fashion; both men and women.

the models, unfortunately, looked as if they hadn’t been fed in months.

i’m actually starting a charity fashion show to raise money for feeding the models next.

here’s a tiny shot of some of the diane von furstenburg fun {we saw bally, missoni, carolina herrera, dkny, many others…i can’t believe i’m forgetting them all}…i was too distracted by the pretty clothes to film for too long.

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at lunch we were properly sobered up with the statistics of the reality of child abuse.

did you know the number one cause of death for young children is child abuse?

i did not.

the united states is one of the worst nations in the world for child abuse.

it kind of made me feel like a loser for all the grandstanding i do about china’s child labor…..

every year, in the united states, there are a reported 3 million cases of child abuse; and even more disgusting, there are over 6 million children believed to be abused each year.

on average we lose 4 to 6 children EVERY DAY to child abuse.

child help supplies assistance with support lines, monetary and educational assistance, and housing to those affected by child abuse.

if you’d like more information or to make a donation please visit their website.

linda

ah.

mrs. burns.

love her.

she was/is the real show stopper.

thank you so much linda for letting me “plus one” you.

i had the greatest time, even if i was a fish out of water…more like a fish in dubai…but the ladies i hung out with were divine, and i’m definitely doing it again next year.

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