safe word: narwhale

November 27, 2013


so last weekend i caught the local, debilitating, holiday virus going around town and throughout the country: the cooking bug.

i was no match against this cheeky bacterium.

everywhere i turned, i was ingesting infectious pinterests boards and blog posts touting their fever-inducing recipes, clad with vogue-magazine worthy photos, styled á la aran goyoaga, and accessorized with prose that would get any rebel on a hunger strike to apron up and starting onion dicing.

armed with my boards, sites, and the most vital ingredient: a cute outfit, i set out to chef my way into a more beautiful, happier, glossy world.

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it didn’t really turn out like i had envisioned.

hunkiest and i decided to make our first turkey dinner together where, in unison, we’d navigate the unknown, spooky territory of food processor and cheese cloth land.

i was his katniss everdeen, he was my peeta; side by side and aligned, fighting for our lives against organ puncturing thermometers and heart attack procuring white flour.

this photo was taken on sunday…i am STILL cleaning up the mess.

Processed with VSCOcam with g3 presetcase in point: i found this celery stalk yesterday.

even the beasts knew best to turn their noses up at any scraps fallen from my guillotine cutting board.

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on a more positive note, because of the cooking bug, THIS is my new, beautiful, all-clad roasting pan {FYI: on special at sur la table,} a gift from my beloved husband, showing his appreciation and pride that i was in our kitchen for something other than making coffee……and demands.

it’s so pretty.

i’ve decided even if i never cook again i’m still going to use this pretty pan.

this morning it was my mirror for makeup and hair.


the gravy base was kind of a bust.

taken from this recipe, given to me generously by the culinary goddess, mrs. burns, my friend and biggest cheerleader when it comes to all things domestic; i tried to keep faithful to every single direction given to me.

i’m a rules girl and didn’t want to muck this up.

unfortunately hunkiest had other ideas. according to him and his “thorough” cavity search, we bought the only turkey, in the history of turkeys, that did NOT come with neck, gizzard {ugh THAT word,} and heart.

i think he even started to blame “monsanto” for our defective turkey; even though we bought an organic, hormone and anti-biotic free bird, raised on a cage-less, fence-less farm equipped with a jacuzzi and ping-pong tables, where the turkeys rode ponies in the morning, went to montessori school in the afternoon, and died in their sleep from being too happy.

irritated with my nagging to “fucking LOOK AGAIN!!!“ he, with his hands literally up in the air, sassed at me to “make do.”

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i did my best.

but wouldn’t you know it, lo and behold, guess who finds the so-called missing bag of guts the next day as he’s trimming our bird.

i gave him THE bird and blame my gravy’s lack of robustness on his lack of poultry fortitude.


we both agreed my stuffing {not really–again another recipe from mrs. burns,} was delicious.

if you’re a fan of mushrooms, then this IS your new stuffing.


it is my stuffing based solely on the tawny port ingredient.

after this near-death, hunger games experience, the rest of that bottle went downward dog down my throat.

so do you have a favorite, fool-proof, go-to turkey/stuffing/gravy recipe?

gobble gobble m’loves.

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thank you clarity….

November 25, 2013

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so here we are: in the starting blocks of the season of thank you……and heavy carbohydrates.

before i pull my socked feet out from under my heavy, judgement protective covers each morning, i lie in bed saying thank you.

this communion of gratitude happens all 365 days of the calendar.

it’s my soul’s warm-up for the next 24-hour cycle of work and toil for my brain and heart; where limits are pushed, boundaries reset, and patience flexed and stretched.

 the blessings in my life are abundant. i try to not forget this fact.

here are a few i’d like to acknowledge:


thank you coffee.

you are my best friend, confidante, and therapist, all wrapped up in one welcoming, warm ceramic, morning ritual.


thank you wanderer.

the chance, even just the idea, that i’m a train ride, car hop or flight away into escape, quiets the rumblings of the tsunami in my stomach who’s always scheming to flee, hide, and experience life anew somewhere far, far away in a land of no one knows me.


thank you boots.

i’m walk taller with you.


you fortify me with a micro confidence which has eluded me through 31 years of body-hatred.


thank you date night.

this is when i feel the wittiest, the smartest, and the prettiest all week-long.


thank you pizza; specifically pizza on date night.

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thank you active child for this song.

a great sob session is like a steamy, grime-cleaning shower for my heart.


finally i am thankful for the mess.

this is a new one for me.

i fear clutter, disorder, chance and spontaneity like some fear bees and spiders.

but like a sneeze you can’t suppress; the havoc, the muck, and the mayhem happen.

in these moments, when i am able to surrender to reality, albeit the sometimes unfavorable, these are the pockets of presence where i learn the most, love the hardest, and find my truest self.

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tuesday typical

November 12, 2013



 tuesday kisses to you m’loves.

it’s only tuesday, but i swear i’ve lived, at least, four days in the course of the last 24 hours.

nothing new, special, or typically harrowing, but usually where my tendency is to break out into spontaneous, mostly inappropriate, in-public dance; i’ve found a random, yet very necessary unplanned child’s pose is my latest impulse.


due to time constraints and self-imposed over-commitment my soaks are shorter.

but the precious time i do have underwater have been spent immersed in kneipp herbal 0ils.

each of their 10 herbal baths offer a different, but each experience precious.

 i’m actually typing this post steeped in the “enjoy life bath;” a concoction of smile inducing lemon balm, may chang {a citrus essential oil known to promote mental calm–i’m ordering it by the van-load,} and geranium.


post-bath i’m off to love on my second family; my students, my friends, my tribe.

once that clock rings 6am, our spinparty commences.

we ride hard, we ride true, and have an illegally amount of fun

next is on to the mat and barre for a lil’ up an inch, down an inch.


this time of year, as my favorite honey crisp apples move out of season, my cravings and dependence on seasonal grapefruit peaks.

i think the grapefruit is one of the best opportunities to fully experience the yin and yang of sweet and tart.

did you know that grapefruits are great for fat-loss?

my alexei recently gifted me a bag from her most recent farmers’ market visit.

the better taste of farmers’ market produce is undeniable,and the difference in freshness is amazing.


with the time change comes earlier, sofa cuddle time.

hunkiest and i LOVE our time on the couch crushing T.V.

besides the obvious homeland, we are digging showtime’s “masters of sex” and of course, to keep it classy, “the shahs of sunset.”

anything we’re missing that needs to be dvr’d?

 tuesday happy to you m’loves….

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back on the wagon…..

September 30, 2013


before the ice cream blitz of 2013, initiated in maine, where a daily serving of homemade creamy love became as ritualistic as teeth-brushing, hunkiest and i were doing well on the nutrition wagon.

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we were eating 100% organic produce and turning our first world noses up at processed food.

in fact, even on vacation we made it a priority to still maintain this regimen; save for the sometimes double doses of mint chip.

buying vegetables and fruits from the actual organic, residential farms was a new and delicious experience for us.

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cruising our rent-a-car into someone’s backyard was color me rad!

it didn’t get much more farm-to-table than this.

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the blueberries, seconds-ago picked off the bush, actually tasted more dessert worthy than ice cream.

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onions in their most natural form tasted apple-like they were so sweet.

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and i’m so embarrassed to admit this, but never in my life have i eaten a carrot looking like this. my carrots, even the bagged, organic ones from the store, have always had the exact same shape, color, size, and taste. the ignorant dumb girl within me didn’t think about how strange it is to have carrots assembly line perfect.

i had been so missing out on the nuanced flavor of REAL, unprocessed carrots.


well this weekend, things got REAL for us too.

my thighs have been writing checks my pants can’t cash.

and hunkiest keeps patting his tummy for good-luck.

things had to change.

we reverted back to our local grown, farmers market ways, and we couldn’t feel better.

it astounds me how much better food tastes when there are less machines, people, and transportation involved.

the salad i made last night with this green-leaf lettuce needed only a touch of olive oil and a squeeze of lemon.

i felt like a gourmand eating a dish so delicious.


the ultimate in satisfaction: the honey crisp apples, in season now, are at their sublime ratio of candy-like and tart.

we mowed them down, competition like.

the best part of this post is that i’m writing to you, this morning, not feeling like a tired, bloated, beached hippo.

healthy nutrition is truly the best medicine.

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friday i’m in love

September 27, 2013


friday bubbles of champagne to you m’loves!

has the week treated you kindly?

did you throw arrows and darts at your fears? sew cashmere mittens and cosset the face of your clover?

i did.

last night i conquered one of my biggest banes: i cooked.

okay it was an arugula salad, whose only ingredients consisted of lettuce, olive oil and lemon….but in my version of the story, that is cooking.

it’s muthafuckin’ iron chef actually.

 i loved it…almost as much as i love the face of my “jones” staring up at me, unblinking, as i try to watch fall tv.

here are a few of my other friday loves:


handwritten notes from the ones i adore.

is there anything better?

it doesn’t have to be a novel; even a post-it in the mail can have lasting, fuzzy effects.


i wrote about this yesterday, but this ice cream is so crazy good i had to show you.

where do i start? the dark chocolate pudding you can actually taste? or the pieces of chocolate stout cake that seemed to have miraculously not turned soggy amongst all the creamy rightness.

get thee to your nearest frozen food aisle, STAT.


this robe.

i’m in love with my new robe.

priscilla is fond of it too; she keeps snatching the belt when i’m in the bathtub to make headbands and a noose for her brother.

when i slip this fancy-pants robe on, i immediately feel like a disney princess.

…..typically mulan, but that’s just because we look  similar.


puffs of happy and gratitude flurry out of this ever inconstant teapot i call “life.”

 this week i had two, separate conversations where friends and i marveled at the beauty of choice.

even the most ridiculously overjoyed people in this world have some sort of heartache going on in their life; but they don’t let the dark define them, they opt for the gratitude depiction of their biography instead. 

i love these souls.

care to share in the love?

what’s making your heart and spirit patty-cake all over town?

see you on the other side of sunday m’loves.


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friday, i’m in love….

September 13, 2013

ceecee (1 of 1)


and i’m not ashamed to admit to it:

we are those people.

last week at the groomer, priscilla not only received her requisite, stranger-inducing judgment, stripper feathers, but she also came back with pink ears and a matching pink tail…all this in an effort to further my rabid quest to become the canine version of dance mom.

opawz chalk, a non-toxic hair dye for dogs, is the greatest thing to happen to white trash.

we’re big fans.


i want to have this new york times article‘s baby. 

my entire life i have shunned breakfast.

eating in the morning, even if it’s a nutrient-dense green drink, makes me feel like a sluggish, comatose, grouchy bear. i truly don’t feel “hungry” until early afternoon. 

the times in my life when i have tried to be in the cool-kids’ club, and strong-armed a morning egg-white scramble down my throat, i’ve ended up gaining weight and feeling the opposite of the breakfast-induced, stoked metabolism always promised to me by oatmeal eating health experts and fitness gurus.

i will feel no more guilt for eschewing the english muffin.

speaking of breakfast what i do consume in the morning, even before my beloved coffee, is a daily cup of warm lemon water with braggs’ organic raw apple cider vinegar. recently i added ginger to my cocktail. waking up so early i sometimes feel nauseous; this ginger addition has kicked that “morning sickness” to the curb.

ginger is one of my many miracle tonics. it literally is a wonder-drug for all its healing properties: aiding in digestion, a detoxifier, colon and ovarian cancer prevention, and it’s a great cold & flu fighter. i’m obsessed with wakaya organic ginger. super strong and pungent, wakaya organic ginger, next to the actual ginger root, is one of the purest forms of this spice i have ever used.

a little goes a long way, but the tiny bit that i do use makes my tummy troubles obsolete.


this weekend, along with 14 other girlies, i’m celebrating one of the best girls in the entire world with her bachelorette party. i’m still blown away and touched to be the maid of honor for my love, alexei.

i’m ready for some major girl time at the pool and i’m hedging bets on a “safety dance” contest.

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y


finally it’s friday and i’m in lady-gaga love with this man.

five years ago today i became mrs. hunkiest.

this man, my gibraltar;  the strong, supportive, unyielding sail to my capricious and wayward winds, everyday i am more in love with you.

friday love-is-all-around to you my darlings.

wishing you a weekend of pink feathers and cherries on top.

see you on the other side of sunday.



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August 22, 2013


so maine and i have an eight day courtship beginning tomorrow.

i have never been to maine.

i haven’t planned a thing other than our house, which is an exhale away from the ocean.

do you have any suggestions or tips to make our trip unforgettable?


fair warning: hunkiest and i don’t make the most adventurous of wonder twin power heroes. 

when we were in costa rica we left our hotel once, and that was to go back to the airport on our way home. the only zip-line i rode was the elevator to the spa, and the only rainforest i saw was an unfortunate gentleman in dire need of a wax, sunning himself and his “forest” at the pool….i ended drinking A LOT that afternoon. #myeyes

therefore, while i appreciate any suggestions for sightseeing please keep in mind that our version of kayaking is taking a photo of the kayak in front of the pretty lake….maybe wearing a cute kayak outfit….but don’t actually expect either of us tools to get in the actual watercraft.


for example, i may not actually ride the boat, but damn it, i’ll wear the boat shoes…if they flatter my japanese legs.


just like there are trans-gendered {hello chelsea!} souls, i believe there are also people who are trans-coastal.

although i was born and raised in southern california, and i do love her so, i am convinced i am an east coaster trapped in the body, house and life of a west coast girl.

i dream in seersucker and shingle.

instead of hormone replacement therapy i’m ingesting the madras cocktail and cod.

DCF 1.0

one thing i do not eat is lobster.

apparently this little monster is like prom king in maine.

 i’m hoping to find some sugary substitutions.


my intent is to go forehead to forehead with miss atlantic ocean; her no-nonsense, salty, sea, air– a strong detox to the hippy-dippy california la-la living of the last few months, will hopefully help me clear out some excess luggage, and maybe even ditch a trailer or two…


so ready or not here i come. head first, into a week of ocean-side, northeast living.

my happy can’t be contained.

thursday lovely to you.

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summer nights

August 20, 2013


because sometimes the husband wants waffles for dinner…

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i say it, because i believe it…

August 15, 2013


this week in class i’ve hit obnoxious levels with my whole “feel more, think less” crusade.

the little, itty, minute details of my day, so bitty a magnifying glass will overlook them; those have been my mount st. helens of late.

my world is getting pounded and rained upon….in the best possible way.


yesterday i was noticing how delicious, yes delicious, my body felt as i exhaled my head to the ground and draped my torso heavily down over my legs like a wet, soggy, inanimate sheet.

just one exhalation sent a roller coaster of sweetness up and down my spine, releasing all the nonsense that had been mucking up my brain, and cobwebbing knots of anxiety and feelings of failure.


with one, silly, little breath my day was changed.

it takes one moment to change, not just your day, but even your life.

{don’t knock it until you try it skeptics.}


using rough math {remember u.c. school here} i figure i get around 1200 of these opportunities every hour.

occasions to exhale, to let go, to take something better in, and emancipate some of the darkness or tension in my body, heart and mind.


who says it can’t be this easy?

 with one breath why i can’t forgive someone? maybe even myself?

how can there be rules against a face full of grateful tears and a stomach smiling so wide it breaks out into uncontrollable giggles?

feeling an enormous amount of love for people and situations that ten seconds ago made me less present with my husband, less compassionate to those whose shoes i’ve never walked in, and more combative to anyone who judges me; i’ll take the teasing and smirks at my vomit-it-all-out-there-for-the-world-to-see approach.

this feels too good to be embarrassed.


i say it because i mean it…it only takes one moment to change your life.

cheers to change…..

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this hurts my soul….

August 14, 2013


sometimes i end up popping a vein or just going radio silent for a few days, but i try my best to keep this a negative-lite zone; operative word “try.”

i don’t always succeed. especially when lauren santo domingo, co-founder of the online fashion retailer modo-operandi and whose major talent in life appears to be feeling superior over everyone she comes into contact with, is associated.

i’ve voiced my disappointment for lauren before.

so it sort of burrows a crevice in my heart to tell you to go check out at moda operandi’s wallet-emptying trunk show from stella jean, an italian designer heavily influenced by her caribbean heritage, whose designs channel the punk rockin’, 1950′s housewife in us all.  


i don’t care who i have to sleep with, preferably my hunky husband, but i must have this platano checkered shirtdress

this dress screams my name, pulls my hair, and cuddles with me afterward.


but so does this salice checkered jacket and primula wax cotton skirt

typically i avoid “color” and prints like i’m supposed avoid carbs, but these beauties, along with this dalida graphic tee have me bingeing on the rainbow.



and that tropical vacation hunkiest and i are planning for winter {baby are you reading this?} will only be complete if this razza hawaiin car bikini and said bikini with loto wax cotton pants go in my suitcase.

happy shopping m’loves.

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