well, if HH doesn’t want me putting up a bubble gum pink, Christmas tree (again,) he should be a little more courteous whilst primping for his Sunday 6am tee time.
as he channeled his inner John Daly, whacking the silly white ball through the dragon’s mouth, the early awakened beasts and i begrudgingly made the most of our unexpected wake up call. we decided to yield to madison avenue, the malls, markets, and plain ol’ holiday madness. the four of us surrendered to starbucks: their evil eggnog lattes 1 friggin day after Halloween?!?!!?! we put up the christmas tree.
two french presses later, we four were cutting a rug to Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass Christmas Album (a must for tree decorating) and erected the pepto bismo-like sapling.
why such a hue for a Christmas tree you ask? well……..my mother IS Christmas. i think last year she had 7 trees? each more beautiful than the next with tulle, crystals, feathers, fresh flowers, real life fairies, etc. Preston Bailey would have pee’d himself. one gigantic wall in her house just……..nutcrackers (giant, wee, grisly, angelic, russian, asian, ???) there isn’t a room in her house that does not emit clover, amber and orange spice. the woman knows how to stage a holiday home. one walk through jane’s house during christmas time, BOOM!!, osama bin laden, on his knee’s, saying the apostles’ creed, giving his life up to jesus. she’s that good people.
anyhow, i know my time constraints: limited. and i know my talent for being crafty: nil. i need a tree that requires zero ornaments that comes pre-lit!! and what girl doesn’t want a pink tree?!?!?! i may not convert muslims with this tree, but i may help some boys come out of the closet. it’s the season to give people!!!!!!