to the jerk-off who tore up my car yesterday without leaving a note,

i hope santa not only bypasses your house, but one of his reindeer soils on your roof mid-flight.

you are the mayor of suck-ville.

polly the prius needs major reconstructive surgery; she’ll finally feel at home amongst all the newport beach housewives.

so fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la to you, you criminal coward.

the silver lining in this situation is that i’m not you.

i actually can’t imagine the person you’d have to be, to not leave a note after hitting someone’s car in a parking lot.

it really must suck to be you.