beauty school dropout

June 1, 2011

if you looked in my bathroom drawers, you’d think i’d be a wizard at the sun-kissed face, the glossy lip and the come hither eye.

but i have neither the skills nor time to keep a post hotel du cap summer flush, or nights in black satin stare.

i could open a mini-sephora with the potions and lotions and serums i possess. parabens and free radicals be gone…if only i remembered to apply.

and for the locks? oh my.

such the sucker for fancy, if it smells like catalina and promises to take the japanese straight and stubborn out of my hair, i’m slammin’ that amex down.

but to be honest my home hair products {shampoo included} haven’t been touched in over a year.

i’ve come to rely on my gym for my hair needs. their locker room product is kiehls. which is probably higher brow than the stuff  i have under the sink anyway.

hunkiest, sweet as he is, is always encouraging me to take an hour or two to lady it up at a spa; get pretty and pampered.

i’d take him up on it:

a) if i had the time

b) if i didn’t get so antsy pantsy

the last time i had a spa day i became so anxious {with all the calm and quiet} i got sick from emotionally eating all the dried apricots in the meditation room.

i always forget: a dried apricot is AN apricot; just because they’re tiny doesn’t mean too many won’t make you vomit.

my nails are shorty short, like a nervous 3rd grader’s. when i paint them using colors from my paint box of acquired polishes, it looks like i let my beast priscilla hold the brush.

{actually i may let her, she is quite deft when i comes to certain things: reeses peanut butter cups, pillows, pink sweaters}

i go to the nail salon where i am always taken to task for my lack of length. i have girlish shaped hands, but apparently mannish sized nail beds.

i don’t bite my nails, i just prefer them super short. less room for dirt, germs, or hurt.

my town is brim full of just blown out, peaches & cream complected, coral lipped, matching coral nailed beauties.

most of them, at the gym, looking like this, on stairmasters, as i type.

not overdone, not cartoon-bravo tv types either.

these lovelies are A+ students in the everyday school of beauty.

always doing their homework, never missing a class or chance for extra credit {bright lips for spring}, they are always flawless faced, hair’d, fingered and toe’d.

as for me, i enroll every new semester, buy my books and syllabi creams and lipsticks, but then drop the class two weeks in.

i’m a lazy student. i have the melasma and short nail beds for proof. i wear my silly hats and sunscreen and giant tom ford’s which practically cover me down to my chin. that’s where it ends.

tell me m’loves which category do you fall into?

  • I am certainly more simple than fussy! I have an affection for all things Laura Mercier. Even as recently as last night, I allowed the completely pimped out girl at the counter of Nordys to expertly apply the tinted moisturizer, setting powder, blush, bronzer, and CORAL lip to my previously fresh washed, (and ready for bed,) face. After gazing in the mirror, I smiled at how lovely she had made me, bought the loot, and proceeded to go home, and scrub it all off. Oy!

  • auntie char

    dearest One….it isn't that you don't have the time or the desire to do full blown make up/nails/facials….you had already done enough for a life time by the age of 7. You had gone through enough make up bags & nail polish to fill a life time. You just out grew it!! And you were quite a stylish 7 year old drag queen!
    Plus the fact that you are (and always have been) a natural beauty…..you don't need to do the Sherman-Williiams cover your face route.

  • As I am someone much improved by paint and spackle, I TRY to do a little something with my face. But to be honest, most days, a shower is all I manage to make time for.

  • If you can convince me to stop eating all the excess carbs that I love i'll happily teach you my 5 minute face. If you're fully stretched, warmed up & ready to go you could cut off an entire minute and do it in 4. After all, it takes a lot of beauty products to look like a natural beauty a la Jen Aniston.

  • Do you know how comforting it is to read this? Everyone who knows, seems to think I'm a fool for passing on the many spa opps that come my way–but I can only take so much dried fruit and time passed aimlessly – I have been putting off a manicure for weeks now (shhhh!) was it only a few years ago when I would get my nails touched up during the week before the next full mani/pedi? You always look great, so one would never know that you are a lax student–trust me, those coral lipped beauties are lusting over your svelte body every time they see you!
    xo mjm

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