safe word: narwhale

November 27, 2013

can

so last weekend i caught the local, debilitating, holiday virus going around town and throughout the country: the cooking bug.

i was no match against this cheeky bacterium.

everywhere i turned, i was ingesting infectious pinterests boards and blog posts touting their fever-inducing recipes, clad with vogue-magazine worthy photos, styled á la aran goyoaga, and accessorized with prose that would get any rebel on a hunger strike to apron up and starting onion dicing.

armed with my boards, sites, and the most vital ingredient: a cute outfit, i set out to chef my way into a more beautiful, happier, glossy world.

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it didn’t really turn out like i had envisioned.

hunkiest and i decided to make our first turkey dinner together where, in unison, we’d navigate the unknown, spooky territory of food processor and cheese cloth land.

i was his katniss everdeen, he was my peeta; side by side and aligned, fighting for our lives against organ puncturing thermometers and heart attack procuring white flour.

this photo was taken on sunday…i am STILL cleaning up the mess.

Processed with VSCOcam with g3 presetcase in point: i found this celery stalk yesterday.

even the beasts knew best to turn their noses up at any scraps fallen from my guillotine cutting board.

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on a more positive note, because of the cooking bug, THIS is my new, beautiful, all-clad roasting pan {FYI: on special at sur la table,} a gift from my beloved husband, showing his appreciation and pride that i was in our kitchen for something other than making coffee……and demands.

it’s so pretty.

i’ve decided even if i never cook again i’m still going to use this pretty pan.

this morning it was my mirror for makeup and hair.

food

the gravy base was kind of a bust.

taken from this recipe, given to me generously by the culinary goddess, mrs. burns, my friend and biggest cheerleader when it comes to all things domestic; i tried to keep faithful to every single direction given to me.

i’m a rules girl and didn’t want to muck this up.

unfortunately hunkiest had other ideas. according to him and his “thorough” cavity search, we bought the only turkey, in the history of turkeys, that did NOT come with neck, gizzard {ugh THAT word,} and heart.

i think he even started to blame “monsanto” for our defective turkey; even though we bought an organic, hormone and anti-biotic free bird, raised on a cage-less, fence-less farm equipped with a jacuzzi and ping-pong tables, where the turkeys rode ponies in the morning, went to montessori school in the afternoon, and died in their sleep from being too happy.

irritated with my nagging to “fucking LOOK AGAIN!!!” he, with his hands literally up in the air, sassed at me to “make do.”

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i did my best.

but wouldn’t you know it, lo and behold, guess who finds the so-called missing bag of guts the next day as he’s trimming our bird.

i gave him THE bird and blame my gravy’s lack of robustness on his lack of poultry fortitude.

stuff

we both agreed my stuffing {not really–again another recipe from mrs. burns,} was delicious.

if you’re a fan of mushrooms, then this IS your new stuffing.

boozer

it is my stuffing based solely on the tawny port ingredient.

after this near-death, hunger games experience, the rest of that bottle went downward dog down my throat.

so do you have a favorite, fool-proof, go-to turkey/stuffing/gravy recipe?

gobble gobble m’loves.

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