we’ve all done it, royally screwed up the lyrics to a song, and ignorantly belt them out nonetheless as if we had penned the words ourselves.

apparently my first words weren’t “mamma” or “dadda,” but “i’ll never love this wagon” as i strained my 3-year-old vocal chords in an ear-splitting, 6 month rendition of dion warwick’s 1979 hit, “i know i’ll never love this way again.”

ok, kinda cute, right? innocent? sorta.

we’ll i smutted things up a couple of year’s later whence trilling out simple minds’ popular, but dirty 1985 hit, “i like it kinky.”

you can imagine how surprised, and embarrassed i was to learn, quite recently actually, that the song’s title is really: “alive and kicking.” i feel sad for all my other fellow fools who made the same lyrical mistake, especially the millions of shades of grey reading housewives, who had, not too long ago, started to use this depraved anthem as a commencement at all their monthly meetings. i have checked, and there is zero mention of kinkiness within said song. sorry ladies.

my most recent verse mishap occurred in r&b/hip-hop artist, akon’s recent hit “angel.” i play this song in my spin class all of the time. i love songs which are ballads, but with a good, hip-hop beat. this ditty is also tender-sweet as akon extols the many virtues of his “angel.” for the longest time i thought one of angel’s many wonderful qualities was: “she’s got wings, she’s got a payroll.”—-i’m mean great! girl is a business owner, she’s got employees, a tax i.d. number, probably even provides health care benefits, she IS an angel….

well. it turns out that “payroll” is actually a “halo.”

nevertheless. it’s still a good song.

now i’m not the only one who crucifies lyrics.

in high school my friends royally screwed up songs left and right. 

sweet heather, who literally scored off the charts in AP calculus, thought the line in anne murray’s “danny’s song” was:

“even though we ain’t got money, i’m so in love with you danny“.

i’m not sure we ever corrected her. she’d sing it with such conviction and such VOLUME; it was like a toddler with a cute lisp that you never want to remedy. 

and then my beautiful friend kristin didn’t hear kim carnes sing about “bette davis eyes,” she heard kim carnes’s throat out, “she’s got better days aside.”

i swear to god. 

i then had a trainer whose favorite song was rusted root’s, “sammy the whale.”

i remember stopping mid session to ask him to say the song out slow {this was before ipods, smartphones, laptops, google} because i could NOT believe he had really butchered “send me on my way” this badly.

he had. and i’m pretty sure there were drugs involved.

but the absolute best, the hands down winner for the slaughtering, the annihilation of a song goes to a girl named dana.

beautiful, sweet, i idolized her when i was a nerdy 5th grader and she was a star, high school songleader.

i’ll never forget playing over at my friend kristin’s house {better day’s aside} when dana came over to talk about a new def leppard song she really liked. at the top of her lungs she sang the chorus for us:

“HORSES, SHOOT ‘EM DOWN, YEAH!!!…IN THE NAME OF LOVE!

HORSES, SHOOT ‘EM DOWN, YEAH!! C’MON FIRE ME UP!!”

with our heads cocked to the side, golden retriever style puzzled, even though we were younger, kristin and i knew there was something a little off with these lyrics. heavy metal bands were provocative, but animal cruelty? we think not.

after very little investigating, we learned that horses were actually “pour some” and “sugar” took the place of any suggested violence….all ended well.

so i know i’m not the only one who has botched a tune or two.

care to share your musical flubs with me m’loves?

thursday happy to you.