i am highly suspect that foul play took place last night, involving my kale-cucumber brew, from mother’s market juicebar.

sapped out and rehearsing my bedtime nursery rhymes, i was so outta gas, in both brain and body, unwrapping the disposable straw turned into my everest.


now i’ve never “done” {?} cocaine, but 5 sucks up that straw, and no sooner was lindsey lohan riding shotgun, ready to crash cars and jewelry heist……with our moms. 

at least that’s the more glamorous version of: I DIDN’T F@#%&G SLEEP last night!!!!

what was in that juice?


so here’s my dilemma {does anyone else ever want to put an “n” in the word “dilemma?}: today i have a photo shoot, and i really do look like i’ve been on an all-night lilo bender. my dark circles could pass for eye black, the grease professional athletes smear under their eyes to block sun reflection. i’m just reflecting cranky.

i really need a nap today. just a little shut eye to make me look human again; quarter human.



my hair is so filthy it basically can walk around on its own, register a domain, and start its own blog: “talk dirty to me.

so what do i do? wash the hair? or take a nap?

judges ruling?