no. i didn’t get a boob job for christmas…

February 7, 2014

maruja (1 of 1)

contrary to my new, 2014 curves, both up north and down south, i did not get breast implants for christmas.

i was pregnant though.

a week before christmas hunkiest and i saw two pink lines on the drugstore purchased test….6 tests if i’m to be honest….the skeptic in me needed to be sure….the overacheiver in me needed the affirmation….hunkiest was overjoyed and relieved…elated that our family was growing; alleviated he was now off the hook for that stella mccartney fold-over tote i had been expecting under the tree…instead we were expecting our christmas present in august.

last week in an ultra sound i was told there was no baby.

no specific reason was given to us; the doctor said my body made a decision for me my “mind might not have been able to make.”

i was prepared for this; told people, when i was unable to keep my exciting, happy news a secret, “now, it IS early, and i AM 37,” as if i was steadying them and me for this inevitable, stinking event.

i cannot lie and tell you that there isn’t a part of me– an unhinged, irrational part, the subdivision that shows up late at night questioning logic and serenading golden retrievers, who sometimes wonders if maybe i jinxed myself into this mess.

i won’t lie, this stings; packs a little more spank as time progresses.

banan (1 of 1)

i ride on the swing-set of glum and good. mostly good, but i never know when a case of the sad will set in.

yesterday i bit into my banana only to discover its less than ripe constitution. i went from composed to crumpled up on the kitchen floor in a matter of seconds.

mr. banana it’s impolite to deceive a girl with raging hormones. there are some things in this world we need to count. bananas are one of them! 

produce aside these days sometimes i can taste sorrow even in an ice cream cone.

i know it will pass, and it’s not all of the time.

each day is a little sunnier; even when the raindrops fall outside.

girl scout cookies help.

as does knowing house of cards signed on for a third season; february 14th can’t come soon enough.

jeans (1 of 1)

my boyfriend jeans have officially broken up with me.

{i still sport a 13-week pregnant body; once i get my on head straight, god/the universe and i will be having a roundtable discussion on fairness.}

there’s a denim rinse in a santa claus cut i’ve been courting online, so keep your fingers crossed for us.

beasts (1 of 1)

it’s hard to be heavyhearted with these two faces administering round-the-clock-care to me.

it also doesn’t hurt that i have the greatest parents on earth.

my friends and my colleagues, although my co-workers ARE my friends and pseudo family; these people have been sick with compassion and support. it’s like they can’t help but ooze out all this love and gooey kindness from their pores, and it just drips and spurts everywhere, all over the people in their life, lately me, making the world a better place–really you guys need to get this checked out by a dermatologist. it’s almost gross.

you all know who you are, and i am nothing without you.

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and of course, my husband, you oily-bohunk you.

you really do make all those bradley cooper’s and ryan gosling’s look like scrawny, stay-in-the-dugout, third-string players. love is not a strong enough word for how i feel about you.

for us, yes, it is a private time, and i’ve been hesitant, and on the fence about sharing my story, but i believe when life delivers meals you didn’t order, bites that feel like shards of glass when you swallow, it always helps to know that someone else has had to wolf down a similar, barbed chunk, and yet lived, laughed and loved to tell about it.

love,

katie

 

 

  • Love you Katiekins! XO

  • Extra love to you and Rob at this time! I know firsthand how devastating that news is. Hang in there my dear friend! xoxo

    • thank you raquel…i know you do, it means so much…as do these beautiful flowers i’m looking at…thank you.

  • Katie, my love, sending you such a big hug and so much love. Can you feel it?

    xo Mary Jo

  • Katie, I am so, so, so, so, so sorry. This tragedy should never happen to anyone, but least of all someone as wonderful, kind, open-hearted, giving, generous, amazing, and warm as you. You are such an inspiration to me, and your ability to look to the positive during this time is reason #5,678,941 why I love and admire you. Please let me know if I can do anything for you- 480-262-9243.

    • sweet ari…this made me tear up it you were so touching…thank you…love you too baby girl…

  • I Love and adore you… xoxoxo

  • Miss O. Sending you love,love and more love. I am also throwing in some peace of heart and mind. Missing you o,oops mean so or maybe I do mean o, miss o!

  • Diane Broeman

    Hugs Katie

  • Hugs all the way from Singapore Katie!

    Zee

    • oh zee…thank you so much my love….

      • Dearest One…..I carry your heart in mine…I carry your heart with me always.

        I am never….never without it .

        You have been so brave, so courageous for so long. My heart breaks that you should endure this sadness. Love to you and Rob.
        Auntie Char

        Ps: thank you ee cummings

        • oh…auntie char….love you…thank you…miss you…so great to hear from you….love you {again..can’t say it enough….}

  • hang in there, katie. sending oodles of love and hugs and kisses and more hugs. and hoping your heart can heal. xoxo

  • A huge huge hug from me, Katie. I’m so sorry this happened, and if you need anything (though it seems like your amazing friends and husbands have it covered), please let me know. P.s. eek House of Cards!

  • Judy Brower Fancher

    Just read this today and my heart has a little hole in it for you. Sending love to you and hh to fill part of the hole back up for both of us!

  • just checking in & seeing this. a BIG hug to you to replace the words that i am lacking. <3 <3 <3

    • aw….beautiful torrie…thank you love…so appreciated….love to you.

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