you’re hired

September 15, 2011

much to my surprise, and to ganesha, the hindu yoga god of success and destroyer of evils and obstacles, i was cast as yoga instructor girl in an upcoming commercial. unfortunately, i can’t get into specifics regarding the project…all very hush-hush. i’m sure this secrecy is merely a test to see if i can pull off clandestine, espionage type character work for when they next offer me the part of nikita’s long, lost baby sister.

if ever a role i thought i blew {literally} it was for yoga instructor girl. coming off last week’s yoga class sentiments, i wasn’t exactly feeling my zen walking into the audition. but like they say, fake it till he falls asleep…or something like that.

i repeated this mantra as i crept up to l.a. in 17 mile an hour traffic, not exactly the perfect way to get into, “calm, serene, sweet, trusting” mode….as the audition ticket called for. rather i was amped, pissed, sweaty and ready to kick some fellow yogi ass.

the audition began with a quick interview of the history of my yoga practice. obviously they are not regular readers. bringing them up to snuff…and maybe a little beyond? i recapped my long and formidable background with yoga {omitting that the bulk of this time was spent at opposite sides of the ring: yoga triumphant, me tko’d with the referee calling the match and an ambulance}.

but no, i suddenly had the confidence of a tiara’d toddler, preparing the casting director for the magic he was about to witness.

i don’t just practice yoga, i am yoga.

downward dog? pfft. try downward great dane mofo!

i don’t just tree, i grow a house in my tree and have a fucking tea party!

and so i began:

big, giant breath in-through-the-nose.

pause…

louder-more giant-hock-a-loogie-breath-out-through-the-MOUTH(!!!!!!!)

now if you’re not in to yoga, that last sentence won’t mean a thing to you, but even if you’ve taken intro to yoga you know that even the greenest baby ever to step on a mat, breathes through the nose. my dog, priscilla, even knows how to ujjayi breathe.

but not jackass here. nope, there i was all the confidence in the county, exhaling like i was trying to bust a breathalyzer.

miraculously, they called me back. this time i left my ego in orange county and kept my mouth shut {a good way to live, no?}.

it must have worked. my agent called last night to tell me i am booked.

happy dance.

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