what would giada do? {in a bikini}

July 17, 2012

so we’ve stood before this water cooler before: i don’t cook.

you want me to dice and chop? might as well throw in the alpine stage of the tour de france too. it’s not gonna happen.

nevertheless, i still wish i had the desire to contessa, barefoot around in my kitchen, beasts nipping at my ankles as i whip up feast after delicious feast of mouth-watering, culinary medleys.

my subscriptions to cooking blogs and magazines far outnumber the fashion glossies and home decor reads.

and lately their recipes have me on all fours, salivating, and drooling like said, ankle-nibbling beast, awaiting her morning, whitefish-flavored kibble.

if i had the talent and adoration for cooking like giada de laurentiis, the celebrity chef with a spokesmodel face and bikini-perfect body, i’d be in my kitchen {in that bikini} twenty four-seven, spinning out the following summertime meals for my family and friends:

the draw to most of these recipes is their use of summer’s fresh berries and produce. i’m a fool for all things berry, especially when they’re in season: all plump, perfect and ripe for the picking. there’s something about those young, seasonal berries and i: suddenly i’m answering to humbertand the fruit stand is my playground. these chefs have honed in on my love for the berry, and they’ve sucked me in like a kardashian marathon.

case in point, standing in the check-out line, the above magazine cover sold and hooked me like a drunken a sailor during fleet week.

i don’t know if it was the photoshopped raspberries, the perfectly scooped spheres of ice cream, or eye-pleasing trifecta color combination of blue, red, white, the month of july, and my patriotic, beating heart wanting to feel a part of something american, but i threw down my 4 bucks, and went into fantasy mode as i scrutinized and dreamed of a world where i whisked up raspberry ricotta ice cream and creamy summer squash soup {in a bikini.}

my favorite food blog, hands-in-your-pants-down, is how sweet eats. it’s ironic that jessica’s page is consistently open on my screen. we’re not very similar in our foodie obsessions. i’m not the biggest dessert girl, and “chocolate makes {jessica} shout from the rooftops with joy.” jessica’s “perfect world” would not include vegetables, and “bacon” makes her “beam,” yet i dream about her culinary endeavors hourly. 

a recent example: ever since this grilled cheese hunk o’love posted, it’s been very hard for me to concentrate on anything else. like a junior high crush, i find myself daydreaming of quiet moments where mr. grilled cheese and i steal away to a hidden corner, somewhere cozy, maybe a lone table with a candle, maybe a romantic nook with a curtain we can pull down to shield us from a misundertanding outside world. music will play. something soft at first, definitely  Flightless Bird, and then something stronger like foreigner’s Waiting for a Girl Like You. as we slowly start to make out, me and mr. grilled cheese hunk o’love. at first, i imagine myself coy and ladylike, but then, overcome with such savory and sweet zeal, i violently destroy my beloved fontina, basil and blackberry sandwich, like a bon temps vampire, shredding bits of bread, cheese and again, my beloved berry fruit from table to curtain to wall. all that remains are remnants of multi-grain in the strands of my mussed hair and streaks of purple jam on my flushed cheeks. 

this daydream happens around 3-4 times a day. the laundry hasn’t been done in a week. 

nowhere near the same league, i’ve survived on the occasional 50’s type diner, kid’s menu-order grilled cheese, but the berry, fromage, herb sandwich fixation has been a predominant left brain obsession. 

that is, until last week, when jessica posted the above blueberry, cheddar cheese, french bread party in a crock. 

i think i need a new party outfit just for this festive bread immersion. 

at first read it might not sell you, but hot, bubbly, cheddar and cream cheese melted with fresh, both tart and sweet tasting blueberries, and you have every different combo bite taken care of right there in that little vessel. 

done.

trust me m’loves, blueberries and strong cheese is the next big thing. hunkiest and i had an outstanding version earlier this summer at our friend patty’s house, an acclaimed chef and just overall goddess. we made absolute pigs of ourselves. 

back to my magazines.

this month’s bon appetit is packed with great summer recipes. it’s especially meat intensive, so you carnivores may find it especially enticing.

the recipe that most interested me, and i think i can actually make without creating anymore crow’s-feet, is the jalapeno tequila gimlet.

gimlets have always been one of my favorite warmer month cocktails.

but that headache.

tequila is the only liquor that doesn’t give me a headache. plus this cocktail is sugar free. its ingredients are fresh lime juice, agave syrup, and jalapenos-all of which are head friendly.

so there it is, if i were giada de laurentiis, and had her talent for all things sauté and blanch, i’d be in my kitchen butterflying the silly out of shrimp, candying pecans, chiffonading the hell out of my fresh {ha-ha-ha}herbs from my {ha-ha-ha-ha}herb garden {the way martha pronounces herbs,} and reconstituting my constitutional right to bring raisins back to their natural grape state, all in a brazilian thong.

but i am not giada. i am katie osumi, i like my clothes baggy, my cooking 2 steps or less, and my bass down low {yes, i know i’ve used that before.}

tuesday happy to you m’loves.

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  • Um, I'm skimming over that first gooey delish mess of blueberry/cheese somethingness…how is it possible that I've been taking cycling class and gaining weight? Miss you Katie, I have to go to LA today so I won't be in class but hope to see you soon!

    xo Mary Jo

  • I'm super obsessed with cooking magazines. I love the concept but in the end love simple and easy recipes. However, I can spend hours reading food blogs, looking at all the mags and fantasizing about what I want to cook. I had girs Sunday Funday and everyone came over for wine and cheese (which i cut out of my diet) but allow myself it once in a while and made an entire bowl of heirloom tomatos chopped chunky with fresh peaches chopped kind of chunky, fresh mint, basil and shaved parmesan. Toss a little olive oil / salt and pepper and so tasty and it makes you look like Martha Stewart and it takes two minutes.

  • Katie! See my most recent blog post that I put up last night! 😀 It does not have to be Giada material to taste amazing!

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