thou shall not……

February 18, 2013

monday peace and love to you my kittens. 

my sweet, hard-working, deep-feeling readers, did mr. weekend give you the reprieve you had so greatly needed and deserved?

as of last friday, my heart had been vitamixed into a questions-unanswered smoothie determined to unpack its suitcase in the center of my throat, where it filled out change of address forms, and put up ikea closet shelves. 

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  via loads of task, toil and clock-punch, i was able to evict said habitant-heartbreak.

whenever i’m sad or mixed up, my go-to mode is head down, pile on the busy.

i just startled myself with the sound of my laugh as i wrote those words, and realized that the last few years have been a maniacal, rainman-like {sally dibs, dibs sally} assembly line of me trying to cram in as many units of occupation and grind as possible. 

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i’m terrified to step off this hamster wheel. one of my biggest fears is laziness. deep down i fear that i am lazy.

lazy. that word creates russian meteorites in my stomach. i’d rather be called superficial or pointless; just not lazy.

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if there is any catholicism still left in me, the sloth commandment inflames every guilty cell in my body, sending me into a penance of plate spinning, while trying to wildly tap-dance silently on a tile floor. 

even when i attempt to revise my world for more downtime and slumber, new sardines {clients, a new class i can’t say no to, a writing opportunity} always have a way of seducing me with their distracting, less attention on me and my foot-in-my-mouth adventures, more focus on my external world, where i try to help others feel more vital and hopeful in their lives, and less lazy.

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this is where i heal my heart; where i find the salve for my sad soul: on the bike, on the mat, at my desk, thumping away at these keys like they were a piano concerto i can never quite master.  

today, monday february 18, 2013 my once, heavy, melancholy self now feels much better. happier, more grateful and present.

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so i guess what i’m saying is “thank you” m’loves. thank you for providing me an outlet to mend and balm the hurt. thank you to my classes and clients for offering up buckets of mind-opened and arms wide.

so much love and gratitude,

katie

there has been a fund set up for laura schneider’s children. to donate, contact: Robert Sackler at Wells Fargo Advisors 9665 Wilshire Blvd. #1000 Beverly Hills, CA 90212. Please reference Julian Miller, Cordelia Schneider and Roland Schneider

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