a trader joe’s tragedy….

January 16, 2014

 

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it began so innocent.

it was day 23 of consecutive spin classes, and i’d hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch yet, which pretty much translates: “t’was a dark and stormy night.

 what started as a pure-hearted visit to trader joe’s, for my organic pears and arugula {wink wink,} ended in a probable diagnosis of type ii diabetes.

my clean-handed intentions were immediately marred with sugar and crunch when, like the local drug-pusher, hawking promises of elation and frenzy, the crack-trafficking peeps at trader joe’s nested their own mind-altering products at emotional eater eye-level, provoking the same sticky sweet promise of a dope daze.

 caramel and dark chocolate popcorn crunch and the ruggedly adventuresome cowboy bark; in the words of rihanna “where have you been all my life?

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 caramel and dark chocolate popcorn crunch is exactly how it reads….and MORE. sure you have your standard caramel and kettle corn, BUT the little kind-hearted, katie-loveing trader joe’s elves added dark chocolate covered, candied pecans, almonds, walnuts & cashews {for protein, i assume.}

the cowboy bark, described aptly as ruggedly awesome, adds to that dark chocolate train with pretzels, toffee, joe joe cookies, peanuts, almonds and sea salt.

i don’t know about you, but sea salt is the new rainbow sprinkles at my house.

i couldn’t choose between the two…i’d hate to hurt either snack’s feelings….so both were brought home, blended into a tasty stew of sweet and salty.

arranging my stash in a clean, white bowl seemed, at the time, to make the experience less dirty.

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 but who was i kidding?

the nasty popcorn whore that i am, mowed down the whole bowl like it was a qualifying sochi race; a race performed in bed…yes, this was all consumed in my bed, i didn’t even have the dignity to sit upright.

this is me not able to face my handsome husband, he had just asked me if i had saved him any…..

i’m sure y’all have much more self-control than i clearly can’t exhibit….so if dark chocolate wonderful is your jam, then get thyself immediately to a your nearest trader joe’s…

mouths of happy to you m’loves.

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