here are 5 things i learned this weekend, but first:

monday morning holy crap game of thrones??!?!!  to you m’loves.

and that is the last i will say.

but oh. sweet. baby jesus i can’t help myself. 

other than reaffirming that G.O.T. is one of the most satisfying shows evah! i was also encouraged that my distaste for reading fantasy fiction has served me well; actually it’s not so much a distaste, but i just don’t think i’m smart enough for said genre. think of all the people you know who read fantasy. they’re usually much smarter than you and i, yes? typically they’re the bearded types who work at the genuis bar, find the huffington post trite, and get multiple graduate degrees on the side. just. for. fun. 

 teaching pilates precludes me from reading anything with hobbits, or cauldrons, and witches, and my “just for fun” involves a peanut butter jar, 2 hours and a spoon…and if i’m lucky…the huffington post {style section-duh?}

and how sad i would have been last night, had i already known what was going to happen had i read the book. see? once again, i re-learned my imbecilic and ignorant predispositions oblige my depthless nature. 

{if you did see last night’s episode this is a pretty funny watch….otherwise do NOT watch it…spoiler….hysterical clips of others reacting to the episode.}

the second lesson i learned: pedialyte cures a hangover…not that i had a hangover, but last week i took the moratorium off my not so strict no-booze policy. one cucumber martini down, and i was in a heated debate with my menu over what to do with the syria problem. i don’t remember which stance i took, but by the end of the argument my waiter did say i could keep my menu.

advantage katie.

#3: according to harper’s bazaar i, a woman in her 30’s, should be “diving deep” into the color coral.

i’m confused. last issue i was supposed to keep “frosty blue cool” in my thirties-as if i being in this decade, no longer able to sport the “dashes of yellow” those fetus’ in their 20’s frolic around in, was some type of penance.

but coral? where am i? boca raton? no thank you.  

can’t i please buy some sort of disneyland fast pass to my 70’s? i’ve been reading this magazine since i was 13 and these rock-stars in their 70’s with their wicked smart wardrobes have always wiped the floor with these stupid, young twits in their 60’s, 50’s, 40’s, 30’s & 20’s.

the takeaway: dressing your age can sometimes make you look sillier than dressing too young for your age. 

last week my car and my face went in for their 5,000 mile maintenance check-up. the prius just needed her tires rotated; my face required numbing cream, a signed waiver, and 2 days of hiding, which i chose to ignore-much to the general public’s distress.

after my magician {aka francine oca} was finished with me, my mug really did look like a toyota mechanic had taken a tire iron repeatedly to all sides of my skull. but really it was just a little zap from an ipl machine and her new pixel laser to render me monster-mash contestant worthy for the weekend.

not surprisingly hh isn’t a fan of my forrays into scabs, peels and blisters; especially at the dinner table when he’s trying to mow down copper river salmon. i tried to win him over whence, during one of the many hours i stood in front of the mirror this weekend, looking for signs of my former youth to reappear, only to find evidence of my un-sunscreened senior trip to puerta vallarta freckle its way onto my cheeks, i grabbed my hunkiest so that he, too, could enjoy in my farewell to discoloration and uneven texture of yore on my forehead, cheeks and chin. 

bless him. he played along. 

he looked.

he looked hard at my face.

with intent.

oh yeah? i see. those lines under your eyes? those will go away too? 

NOT the commentary i was looking for!

who the fuck said anything about my eyes?

so lesson #4: my husband thinks i need a eye lift!

lesson #5 : and this is my favorite one; no matter what i look like, when it’s time for sleeping, my girl loves me and needs me close; preferably with my mouth shut.

 #jointheclubpriscilla

ok darlings, i showed you mine….now you show my yours. what did you learn this weekend?