Entries from February 2013

does one “do” cocaine?

February 19, 2013


i am highly suspect that foul play took place last night, involving my kale-cucumber brew, from mother’s market juicebar.

sapped out and rehearsing my bedtime nursery rhymes, i was so outta gas, in both brain and body, unwrapping the disposable straw turned into my everest.


now i’ve never “done” {?} cocaine, but 5 sucks up that straw, and no sooner was lindsey lohan riding shotgun, ready to crash cars and jewelry heist……with our moms. 

at least that’s the more glamorous version of: I DIDN’T F@#%&G SLEEP last night!!!!

what was in that juice?


so here’s my dilemma {does anyone else ever want to put an “n” in the word “dilemma?}: today i have a photo shoot, and i really do look like i’ve been on an all-night lilo bender. my dark circles could pass for eye black, the grease professional athletes smear under their eyes to block sun reflection. i’m just reflecting cranky.

i really need a nap today. just a little shut eye to make me look human again; quarter human.



my hair is so filthy it basically can walk around on its own, register a domain, and start its own blog: “talk dirty to me.

so what do i do? wash the hair? or take a nap?

judges ruling?

thou shall not……

February 18, 2013

monday peace and love to you my kittens. 

my sweet, hard-working, deep-feeling readers, did mr. weekend give you the reprieve you had so greatly needed and deserved?

as of last friday, my heart had been vitamixed into a questions-unanswered smoothie determined to unpack its suitcase in the center of my throat, where it filled out change of address forms, and put up ikea closet shelves. 


  via loads of task, toil and clock-punch, i was able to evict said habitant-heartbreak.

whenever i’m sad or mixed up, my go-to mode is head down, pile on the busy.

i just startled myself with the sound of my laugh as i wrote those words, and realized that the last few years have been a maniacal, rainman-like {sally dibs, dibs sally} assembly line of me trying to cram in as many units of occupation and grind as possible. 


i’m terrified to step off this hamster wheel. one of my biggest fears is laziness. deep down i fear that i am lazy.

lazy. that word creates russian meteorites in my stomach. i’d rather be called superficial or pointless; just not lazy.


if there is any catholicism still left in me, the sloth commandment inflames every guilty cell in my body, sending me into a penance of plate spinning, while trying to wildly tap-dance silently on a tile floor. 

even when i attempt to revise my world for more downtime and slumber, new sardines {clients, a new class i can’t say no to, a writing opportunity} always have a way of seducing me with their distracting, less attention on me and my foot-in-my-mouth adventures, more focus on my external world, where i try to help others feel more vital and hopeful in their lives, and less lazy.


this is where i heal my heart; where i find the salve for my sad soul: on the bike, on the mat, at my desk, thumping away at these keys like they were a piano concerto i can never quite master.  

today, monday february 18, 2013 my once, heavy, melancholy self now feels much better. happier, more grateful and present.


so i guess what i’m saying is “thank you” m’loves. thank you for providing me an outlet to mend and balm the hurt. thank you to my classes and clients for offering up buckets of mind-opened and arms wide.

so much love and gratitude,


there has been a fund set up for laura schneider’s children. to donate, contact: Robert Sackler at Wells Fargo Advisors 9665 Wilshire Blvd. #1000 Beverly Hills, CA 90212. Please reference Julian Miller, Cordelia Schneider and Roland Schneider

because i love you….

February 14, 2013


i anticipated to awake in a rage. fists in the air, ready to scrap with puppies, the elderly, the angels, and whomever else wanted to butter my hurting heart.


that bastard cancer has devoured another loved one. and, AGAIN, last week i received the infuriating news that one of my idols, truly a girl-crush {though yet to be featured on gni..soon hopefully} has been diagnosed with breast cancer. 


but to my surprise, maybe it was that wild, racous night of handstands and wicked vinyasas in my dreams, led by my glorious laura, i awakened with a hopeful, healed, and optimistic heart. 


i’m typically a hater on this day of candied, talking-hearts, sparse, rogaine-thirsty bouquets, and scrimpy pre-fixe menus. but today is a new day. it’s a new world. 

fragility isn’t just a term for self-medicating, chardonnay moms {or cupcake bingeing pilates instructors.} life is too dear to keep driving on the highway to unhappy.


screw the forced romance in the central air you cheeky monkeys! who says it has to be all sonnets and matching tattoos. pucker up big boy, i’m coming in for a kiss, and it’s not because i want to have your baby! 


i’m getting all ooey-gooey on yo’ ass because it’s how i feel! it’s how i roll! and because it’s a martha-effing-stewart-good-thing!


so long sad! you’ve had your time at the podium. now is the era of uplift and merrymaking. my soul invites you to a picnic. we’re serving kisses & hugs sandwiches.

happy valentine’s day m’loves!

~my friend laura is exactly who the money for my cycle for survival ride goes to; she fought a rare blood cancer. thank you all who have contributed and passed along the information. even the smallest donations mean so much. 


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