UCLA

i wonder….

August 8, 2013

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tuesday morning’s daily good, which now that i’m at the ripe, crepey-eyed age of 37, i read first thing, second to my horoscope, which yesterday cautioned me to stop “resisting my own expansion;” advice i will heed the next time i’m wavering between that 4th plate of strawberry shortcake or the future expansion of my pant-size; but jesse prinz’s daily good essay: how wonder works has me well….wondering……

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often linked to childhood innocence, wonder is speculated as something we mature out of, like believing in santa, perfecting our cartwheels in the home audio section of TARGET, or checking our daily horoscope.

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citing adam smith, who i only vaguely recall as some smarty pants guy they talked about in econ 101, and who i inadvertently always confuse with joseph smith-the founder of the latter-day saints…yep, UC school system, you get what you pay for; jesse gives us ADAM’S definition for wonder as ‘when something quite new and singular is presented… {and} memory cannot, from all its stores, cast up any image that nearly resembles this strange appearance, a distinctive bodily feeling — ‘that staring, and sometimes that rolling of the eyes, that suspension of the breath, and that swelling of the heart’.

jump

is this true for you?

maybe it just comes down to semantics but this description feels more being awestruck; when words, thoughts, and ideas typically fail me i say i was awestruck.

but i’m okay with “wonder.”

what i’m not down with is the idea that wonder occurs only we’re exposed to something new, grand, or unidentifiable.

yes, the first time i espied the canals in venice, on a glorious, sparkly september morning, i wept in wonder at the city of reds, whites, and golds held in place, smack in the middle of the spectacular blue mediterranean sea, and 4 days later speech again failed me, in turkey, as tear-stained muslims physically consumed us americans with their compassion and love, expressing their anguish and support for us as we watched, from across the ocean, our beloved country torn apart by terrorists.

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but i also feel wonder in the small, everyday, repetitive gifts in my life:

the sunrise, music, a dance, two hurried strangers, taking the time out of their hurry to help another find his keys in a busy, crowded cafe, and of course strawberry shortcake-these are all moments and experiences when i see the light, feel the big, and that egotistical agnostic within loses yet another match.

 so much of my two-step with the sublime occurs in these everyday, tiny, non-hollywood, un-pinterest board moments.

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sitting here, sipping my coffee, a snoring beast underfoot, the house lit only with jasmine candles and computer light, i am near speechless in wonder.

my daily goods are just as much self-created. it’s about opening my eyes, feeling more, thinking less

what makes you wonder?

oh….one more thing…..let’s be friends.

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online presents

July 9, 2013

closing

so it happened. it needs to happen. we all have our off days. in my case sometimes it’s an off year, but we’ve all had that week-old, moldy, rotten peach pit in our stomach feeling of walking away from a job not so well done, wishing for a do-over.

last night i taught a spin class SO not ready for prime-time when i looked up at the end of class i was shocked to still see riders. 

i sucked. i deserved to have my certification revoked. here, take my lululemon wunder-under crops {in reversible grey} back from me. i am no longer eligible for such chafe resistant luxury. 

someone! find out! when’s the next prancercise training in my area? i need to move on.

not 2 minutes into a sick depeche mode/marilyn manson mash-up where i had aspired to lead my 30+ warriors up a hamstring busting, soul-stirring, and record-setting mountain climb did a meddlesome, distracting and errant particle of brain break off from my cerebral cortex, and have its own private rave in my eye. {of course to the beat of 136 bpms.} 

too befuddled with the ocular disco taking place on my pupil i missed cues, elapsed time, gear changes, earthquakes, and gorilla stampedes. or at least that could have happened, how would i know? i was too wrapped up in mourning the loss of my vision: would i ever see my husband’s smile again? we never did make it to the grand canyon, and will i still be able to dress cute?

do remember saying the word “bullshit” amid a motivational cue—which if you’ve taken my classes you would know is COMPLETELY out of character. the most i swear in a class is a “hell yes” or “damn” here and there. but an actual cable-tv swear word? what the fuck katie? what next? an exposed midriff and sport’s bra?

booze

i felt so bad about my amanda bynes performance i came home and properly hydrated with a friendly, halfway full, russian bottle that looked vaguely familiar from my sorority pledge night.

or did that night involve a russian fraternity boy and me drinking a bottle of pledge?

does it really matter? #college #ucla #initiation 
i'mfinei once taught my coreplay class with the full-blown, projectile vomit stomach flu. i couldn’t find a sub so i’d put everyone in plank, started counting, turned up my music, and threw up in a trash can behind the studio mirror in 60 second intervals. poor souls had never done so much plank in their lives. they might have even puked themselves. it was still a great class, and the students were nice. 

teaching classes is such a different beast now. with online ratings these days instructors have to be 1000% on their game and then some, or risk being written up on yelp or rateyourburn–{which is a whole ‘nother post i’ve actually had other instructors ask me to blog about.}

i’ve always vowed to keep all of my online reviews positive. trust me, i have had and do have fantasies of ripping several service providers, people and businesses into moldy string cheese.

but those bad online reviews are more a reflection of me i think….that i would take the time and energy to put something negative out in world about another person {albeit deserved,} doesn’t sit right with my sensitive, over-fed stomach.

what are your thoughts on online reviews? do you write them? do you write negative ones? most of the people i love and respect write negative reviews so no judgy here. hell i’m gonna need a new job soon, i’ll be kissing your bottom from here to moscow.

tuesday happy to you m’loves.

love,

one-eyed katie

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the kaleidoscope

December 5, 2012

oh my sweets! it’s chilly outside is it not? i love the colder weather, but i’m such an infant when i get even one, little, temperatures-in-the-low-seventies, goose-bump. i insist on wrapping myself, burrito-like, with various scarves, puffer vests, wooly layers of mittens, cloche hats, leg-warmers on top of knee socks, etc; and that’s just my get-up whilst vacationing in sunny, balmy mexico.

this december climate has me daydreaming of various vocations i could eek out where the required uniform called for my bathrobe and slippers, and the job description entailed me sitting by our fire, sipping hot coffee all day long, with a portion of that workday dedicated to proficient napping. 

if you know anyone who is hiring a professional pajama-wearing, nappy-java drinker, send them my way please. 

are you feeling the spirit of the holidays yet?

i love this time of year, but the holiday fever within me keeps breaking.

mine ebbs and flows like a dance step i sometimes get the rhythm of, but then find myself tango-ing left as the rest of the group cha-cha’s to the right if i’m not keeping my chin up and my eyes wide open.

it is a lovely, wrapped up, miraculous “present” to be aware of the moment, i get that, and i’m working my boots off to get there and stay there; like a dog learning to be housebroken. can someone please rub my nose in my catatonia?

but for me it is not an easy thing. my brain feels like a solar powered kaleidoscope, without a sun down in sight. ideas, fears, anxieties, all one swirling prism of what-ifs, round and round they go in different shapes, boxes and scenarios. 

i must find another viewfinder. 

the more i relinquish control of tomorrow, the more i find delight in today. 

i know this to be true. i just suck at living it.

for now, though, at this second, as i type, i am savoring this time, today, with you.

so thank you.

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one of the many tools to help me stop, notice, and permeate in the now is a beautiful piece of music. this is one of my favorites for this time of year.

i hope you enjoy it too. 

wednesday happy to you m’loves. 

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